“Who” I loved was a girl from college. I wasn’t exactly close to her but with some superficial facts and a few of interaction over semester, you know, like most guys fantasizing over a girl they barely know, I filled in the blanks like a fairy tale author. And she became into my head was probably more than the reality. She was a third-year sorority girl. Yeah. I was infatuated freshman. Sure. But several times we got to spend together outside the class it really allowed me to see she also had a good heart and a bright spirit. The only problem was, so did just about every other guy. And while she turned me down nicely, I swear, there were times when it seemed like the cliché sorority girl may have felt something for the typical awkward freshman.
“What” I loved was an old friend. But she was much more than just a friend. We met early in college and kept in touch with the years after. We saw each other grow and change and through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go. She was also there for every girlfriend and break up of mine. Personality, humor, taste, it was all there. Her and I were almost perfect. Only known wasn’t perfect was our timing. We were never single at the same time. What we loved about each other was never enough to leave who we were with. This is something we eventually have to face and accept. And we had to leave behind what we had.
“When” I loved was my first girlfriend in high school. It’s a bit unfair because she embodies a combination of both love and youth. The feeling of young love is unique and impossible to replace or replicate. Because we can only be that age once. High school was a time of innocence, discovery and adventure. We shared these three elements together in things like our first kiss, late night sneaking out, and matinee movies all of which now had become a nostalgic love, preserved in a time neither of us can touch but know it was there. Even though we were just kids there’s not a doubt in my mind that we were there. We were in love.
“Where” I loved was a girl I met in Los Angeles. I never intended to stay there that long. It was just a six-month internship after graduating. But it all changed when I met her. Soon a year had passed then somehow another year after that I couldn’t leave the city. I couldn’t leave her. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own or prove something to everyone back at home. But she helped me accomplished over there with a relationship reflected of the city we were in. A new energy and new experiences that really push me to mature more than anyone, or anywhere else. When people ask what city I love the most, I say, LA. The city where I love the most.
“Why” I loved was a close friend of mine who passed away. She told me after she was diagnosed that death was not what saddened her the most. But the fact that she never really felt like she had fallen in love, she wouldn’t get to have those emotions, good and bad, of being hurt and being held. After she passed, those words stuck with me the most, teaching me to see that one of the greatest gifts we have of being alive is the ability to give, receive and even lose love. There are so many like her whose lives end before having any of those experiences. What a waste if we don’t strive to love in our lives. She made me understand why. Why waste this life not loving?
You are the sixth. You are none of them. Because you are all of them.
You are who I love. The girl on the pedestal, the fantasy, the make-believe things that are actually true.
You are what I love. The depth, the inside jokes, the best friend.
You are when I love. A new history is being started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will someday reminisce about.
You are where I love. Because I’d go anywhere just to be with you.
You are why I love. Because before you I didn’t truly understand what I was looking for. And now that we found each other, you’ve given my past, the future, meaning.
You are the sixth.
You are the last.